If, however, you still are convinced that constructing death rays and building a hidden robot army in an obscure Eastern European country is the best use of your time and energy, now there is a textbook for all that you'll need to know and more.
Out now from Skyhorse Publishing, The Supervillain Handbook offers advice on everything from planning mayhem and crafting dramatically evil rhetoric to recruiting minions and figuring out if you have the right motivation to build toward world destruction.
The author knows his stuff: King Oblivion, Ph.D. has a doctorate in Nefarious Sciences from Ocean Trench Fortress University. He also happens to be the resident overlord of the International Society of Supervillains and a hard man to reach, what with the plotting and scheming and all.
The King, who wrote the book with the help of humor writer Matt D. Wilson, took time out of his busy schedule to answer some questions via carrier vulture.
Q: Why now to release the essential supervillain handbook?
A: Well, I'm not sure I like the tone, questioning my motives and all. But to be frank, a lot of people out there in the world aren't having a ton of success in the traditional job market. Many of these sad sacks haven't considered professional super-evil, but may find they have an aptitude for it. As long as none of those up-and-comers aim to get in my way, I might as well help them along in the wrong direction. (In addition to many other, more devious ulterior motives I decline to divulge here.)
Q: How has your career changed since releasing your book?
A: Oh, not too much. I've tried not to let it go to my head. I'm the same old guy on a giant laser throne leading thousands of underlings in an underground hive fortress named after him that I've always been.
Q: You dedicated the handbook to Doctor Doom. Did this cause friction between you and your peers such as Cobra Commander and the Red Skull?
A: We run in different circles. Let's leave it at that. Cobra Commander knows what he did.
Q: Why is "Mwa-ha-ha" preferable to "Bwa-ha-ha" in terms of maniacal laughter?
A: Etymologists unanimously agree that the letter "M" is simply more terrifying than "B," in laughter situations. They told me so that time I held an etymologist conference hostage and asked them dozens of times until they got it right.
Q: Trying to take over the world must burn much of your free time. How do you find time to date, and is fostering a lovelife hard out there for your malevolent ilk?
A: I assume once I have control of every world government and wield limitless power over all humanity, Henrietta will finally call again â€" I mean, the romance question will settle itself.
Q: Let's say I'm interested in getting a doctorate in Nefarious Sciences. Explain what is entailed with the coursework. Is there a lot of math involved?
A: It's an extremely intense curriculum with lots of complex work in math, chemistry, people management, ancient languages, magic, alchemy, ray-gun assembly and fortress design. It was tough, but I'd go back to cheating my way through every minute again if I could. Cheating was another key component, by the way.
Q : I'm sure you have a long list of henchmen wanting to join you now that you have a book out. Do you have a dealbreaker when it comes to prospective underlings?
A: There's one question to ask when sizing up a prospective minion: Is this person really, really cannon-fodder material? Everything stems from that.
Q: Did you ever flirt with the idea of being a superhero, even as a wee little King Oblivion?
A: When you're born with a surname that quite literally means complete and utter destruction, your life path is set out for you pretty much from the start.
Q: Comic-Con is coming up next week. Can we expect to see a lot of King Oblivion cosplayers?
A: I feel pretty strongly that you will, though upon first glance they may appear to be Loki or Hawkeye or Black Widow. Those are all people who want to be me.
Q: Do you have a panel or somewhere your minions can find you during the event?
A: I'll be speaking at an exclusive event for my henchmen in my flying fortress above the convention center before I send them down to frustratingly re-edit the preview screening of Arrow. Fictional "writer" Matt D. Wilson, who I usually send out to do that stuff for me, can't make it this year, but he has been and will be at some other cons.
Q: What current comic-book superhero has the potential to one day turn into a proper supervillain?
A: I tend to think comic books paint we supervillains in an unfair light, but to answer your question, some heroes have made some pretty big strides. Green Lantern went evil for a minute there. There have been lots of stories about evil versions of Superman. But my money's on Aquaman. A guy can only take so much guff before he snaps.
Q: There have been three presidential supervillains, according to your book: William H. Taft, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan. Of this year's candidates, which one would make the best supervillain and why?
A: There's a painting of Obama as Superman. Romney's got Mr. Fantastic t emples. They'd both be abysmal supervillains. If only Newt Gingrich had hung around. He's got the name and everything.
Q: Your top celebrity to recruit, Tom Cruise, is going through some tough personal times these days. Is now the time for you to really put on the full-court press, or have you found a new top candidate?
A: Personal tragedy is always a catalyst for entry into the evil arts. He remains welcome, though I do wonder if we shouldn't look into getting Chris tian Bale on the team. Converting Batman himself would be a real coup, and he wouldn't even have to change the growl.
Q: What's the most evil thing you've done lately?
A: Well, just today, I tricked a USA TODAY writer into publishing "interview answers" that are really coded messages to turn all readers into living statues. Actually, forget I said that.
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